What's on your bucket list?

I am a big believer in coincidences. If I am thinking about a friend more than usual and I see something that reminds me of them, I usually reach out to check on that person. It's surprising, and a little scary, how often there is something big happening in their life or how often they will remark that they were just thinking of me too. As I grow older, I am trying to pay closer attention to what <the universe/God/quantum physics/insert spiritual belief here> is trying to tell me.

Lately, a few things have happened that have made me think I should look a little closer at my life. I have had a difficult year in some respects. My brother, who was living with me and my family, was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and subsequently passed away last fall. I have heard the adage about how one can only hope for a "good" death. What exactly does that mean? I used to think a good death was one where you passed away in your sleep, with no pain and suffering. I think many of us would still think of that as a good death. My brother did not have a good death. He fought mental illness and crippling social anxiety for most of his life. When he received his diagnosis, he was filled with anger and regret about how he had lived his life. He thought he had more time to turn things around. I wish I could say that his diagnosis made him re-evaluate what he was doing and that he lived the remainder of his life to the fullest, carpe diem-style. But no. Mental illness doesn't let go that easily, and it was a sad, regret-filled decline. Even at the moment of his death, as I tried to comfort him and tell him it would be okay, his response was it wasn't going to be okay. It was not a good death.

A few months later, I was listening to an episode of Join Up Dots, a business and motivational podcast. The guest was Danny Dover, a man who at a low point in his life asked himself the question, "Why am I here?" He created for himself a life-list and set himself a target to achieve 150 things by May 25, 2017. He lost 60 pounds, he ran a marathon, he lived in the wilderness for a month and he visited all 7 continents, just to name a few of the adventures he embarked on. It was very inspiring to listen to someone who decided to change his approach to life and live each day to the fullest. It made me stop and think about what might be on my own bucket list. (For those of you interested in learning more, he has a TED talk and has created a website called LifeListed.com).

This past Easter morning, my mother was trying to reach a friend with the same name as her sister. She accidentally called her sister instead of her friend, but she ended up having a nice long conversation with her, even though she had meant to call someone else. Her sister died unexpectedly the next day. I flew with my mom across the country for the funeral and on the way, I listened to another podcast called Doctors Unbound. The episode was titled “How one doctor's brave cancer fight can help you live a richer life today”. In the episode, Dr. Adam Stern, who was recently diagnosed with renal cancer, stated, “ All of our time is limited.....if my time is 60 years from now, or 6 years from now, or 6 months from now, none of that changes how I should approach each day.” At this point, I thought I had better start paying attention to these signals I seemed to be getting. How am I approaching each day? What is important to me in my life? What would be on my bucket list? Doctors tend to have Type A personalities and it can get very easy to become consumed by our work. There will always be one more patient to see, one more paper to write, one more experiment to complete. And if those things are on your bucket list, then go for it! But if they aren't, I think it is important to take a step off the hamster wheel of medicine and take those first few steps towards something that will give you fulfillment, something that you have always wanted to do. On my death bed, I know I won't be wishing that I had worked more. To me, a good death will be if I can look back and know that I contributed to society, that I raised good kids and that I didn't let fear, or laziness, or lack of time, stop me from doing the things that were important to me. I am in the process of creating my bucket list. While I do that, I am going to eat some soft cheese and drink some expensive wine. And I am going to raise my glass and toast for a good death.